Communication: The Art Of Listening

When a relationship goes sour, one of the first things to suffer is communication. If you can’t communicate with each other, then there is no possible way to salvage the relationship. The thing to do is to prevent communication from ever being a problem. One of the most important aspects of this is to learn how to be a good listener. Listed below are a few guidelines to help you achieve this.

• Give Them Your Undivided Attention

When your lover wants to talk, put everything else out of your mind and actually be there with them while they are talking. You cannot possibly listen to them if you are thinking about other things you would rather be doing, or have to do.

• Listen To What Is Actually Being Said

This is especially true if you are in a disagreement. It is very easy to pick out the things in what your partner is saying that you want to hear and can throw back at them. This is not some high school debate class where you score points for winning an argument, this is your sweetheart and your actions here and now will dictate the course of the rest of your life together!

• Look At Them When They Are Talking To You

Have you ever tried to talk to someone that refused to make eye contact with you? It is very disheartening, especially when you have something important to say. When talking with your sweetie, actually look at them and not around the room.

• Notice The Hidden Emotional Tone Of Your Partner

Very often, your partner won’t say exactly what is on their mind straight away and it is up to you to draw them out. By looking for their emotional tone, through their body language, voice inflections etc., you will get a very good indicator of what is actually bothering them and also how it is affecting them.

• Acknowledge Your Partner

A correct acknowledgement can very often completely resolve a dispute in one go. It has a two-fold effect: 1. It tells your partner that you have heard and understand what they are saying and 2. It makes them feel better by releasing some of the emotional baggage that may have built up on the subject. A good rule of thumb when there is a lot of emotional baggage attached to a situation, is to acknowledge them by repeating in your own words what they have just said to you.

• Remain Calm

If your sweetheart is angry, very often they will lash out at you because you are there and are someone they can take their frustration out on. While this may not be pleasant and the most ideal way to handle a situation, I’m afraid it is part of the job description of being a sweetheart. Realize that it is just a way for your sweetie to vent and resist the urge to get angry back, it will only make things worse.

8 Ways To Handle An Argument

Let’s face it, no one is perfect. No matter how hard you try, or how loving and respectful of a couple you are, you are bound to get into a disagreement once in a while. With a few tips though, it doesn’t have to be something that can harm your relationship. The next time you feel an argument starting to form keep in mind these 8 ways to handle an argument!


1. Give your partner enough space to voice his or her concerns.
I’m sure you hate it when people interrupt you; give your partner the same respect — even if you don’t agree with what they are saying.


2. Make an extra effort to really understand what you partner is trying to say.
It is very easy to fall into the trap of thinking you know what they are saying, when in fact you may not have a clue. If your partner feels like you understand what they are saying, you’ll find a way to end the argument far more quickly.


3. Don’t say something you’ll regret later.
Always consider your relationship like a glass. It is sturdy, tough, beautiful and clear when taken care of, but if it is mistreated or mishandled it can end up scratched, cracked or even broken. Take care in choosing the words you say when you are in the heat of the moment.


4. Don’t bring in past woes.
The past is the past… let it stay there. If you dwell on past occurrences, you’ll never find a solution for the future your partner will feel less loved and respected, and you will always feel negatively towards your partner. People make mistakes. Give your partner the chance to recover from them, and encourage and support them when they make the right choices.


5. Learn to compromise.
If you can learn to compromise, you’ll find yourself in fewer disagreements. If you don’t like something, then agree with your partner to find some middle ground. This also applies the other way. Be willing to come up with alternative solutions for things your partner doesn’t like as well!


6. Realize that no matter what you say, you both may not agree on the issue at hand.
An argument is typically started because you want someone to agree with you about something. You think that the other person must not know all the facts, so you begin to explain it to them. The more your partner still disagrees with you, the more upset you usually get. But, if you realize that sometimes it is best to just let yourselves agree to disagree — you’ll show your partner that you not only respect their opinion, but respect their individuality as well. You never know, maybe later on they (or even you!) might change their mind.


7. Make a commitment to talk about the situation until it is handled.
It’s far too easy to run off and avoid your partner, or give them the silent treatment. Instead, make a commitment right now to each other to respect each other enough to work it out — even if it takes all night. Nothing is unsolvable when you are working together to truly find a peaceful resolution.


8. Make your relationship with your partner your first concern when you are in the middle of a disagreement.
This does not mean bend over backwards for them or compromise your integrity. Just keep in mind that the person you are arguing with is your best friend, lover and soul mate. If you both keep that at the forefront of your mind in an argument, it will keep what matters most away from cruel words or intent — your heart!


Finally, I leave you with one thought on preventing arguments. Let your partner know exactly when something upsets you. I’ve found that many people tend to not speak up when something bothers them, thinking that it is trivial to mention it. Unfortunately, what happens is after repeated times of not speaking up, some small occurrence happens and it ends up being the straw that broke the camel’s back. The other partner, more often than not, has no clue what they are upset about and therefore thinks they are over-reacting. If you find yourself in this situation, deal with each thing as it happens. Don’t let things build up until you explode.

Secrets to Staying

Just about everyone wants to know how they can make their relationship better. They want to know how they can deepen the commitment and love between each partner. Unfortunately relationships are not something you can provide a "to do" sheet for and all will be solved, but with these five key secrets you can certainly improve your chances for getting all you desire out of your relationship.

Do things unexpectedly.
One key secret to a successful relationship is compromise. Meeting halfway on things shows your partner that you really do care about their viewpoint and you are willing to work on making each other happy. Every so often make it a point to do something that you normally would not agree to or feel like doing. When you keep your partner constantly surprised by your actions, you regenerate that "new love" feeling time and time again. So, when your partner asks if you want to try that new restaurant…say yes! If they ask if you want to try a new hobby…say yes!

Show your loyalty.

Nothing strengthens a relationship quite like watching your partner go to bat for you, especially against close friends or family members. It shows that you consider your relationship a team. If you harass one member of a team, you harass them all. When you side with other people against your partner you make them feel alienated and the seeds of hidden resentment become planted. You can show loyalty positively as well by bragging about your partner’s recent accomplishments to friends and family.

Be supportive.

Challenges and opportunities are always going to occur. You can’t stop them from happening. Hopefully for both of you the changes in your lives are positive ones. The secret key here is having a supporting and understanding mate in your corner to help you through your ups and downs. If you lose your job, it’s quite a bit easier to bounce back when you have someone who’s willing to support your choices and any new directions you might want to branch out to. If you want a career or lifestyle change, imagine the difference having someone who will carefully consider and support those changes? When your partner is presenting you with a challenge or an opportunity, treat them the way you’d want to be treated.

Maintain a healthy dose of individuality.

Personal time and space are essential to growing individually. Everyone one needs private time to do the things they want to do. It helps refocus attention to the priorities. Sometimes you or your partner may just need time to release emotions from a bad day, instead of bringing it home with them. Learning to respect and notice when your partner needs some individual time shows that you are committed to not only your relationship, but their long-term happiness as well.

Love your partner.

Love is obviously a crucial element in a successful long-term relationship. But having love isn’t enough. You need to be in love. The phrase "love is a verb, not a noun" certainly applies here. Don’t hesitate to write that quick love note, give that deep kiss, sit next to each other at a restaurant or hold hands in public. The little things go a long way towards establishing a deep, intimate connection with your partner. As simple as it sounds, this action is probably the most commonly overlooked and ignored.

Rules for a Happy Love Affair

• Never both be angry at the same time 
• Never yell at each other unless the relationship is on fire. 
• If one of you has to win an argument let it be your love
• If you love to criticize, do it lovingly 
• Never bring up mistakes of the past
• Neglect the whole world rather than each other
• At least once everyday try to say one kind or complimentary thing to your love one 
• When you have done something be ready to admit and ask forgiveness. 
• Never go home w/an argument unsettled 
• Always have love, care and understanding everyday of the year.